I have great need of change; Praise God, He is doing just that.
Looking back, at the first few years of parenting, I was acting as though the knowledge I had gained from books or classes was enough to help me to function in this role as a mother. Yes, I knew I needed to be in God's word but it really seemed to be more about what I did right.
What I had gleaned from these books was that it was important for me to gain respect from my children, expecting "first time obedience" and "cheerful attitudes". Agreed!
Understanding that these children were blessings, from the Lord, gave me the drive to search out advice from godly men and women who had walked before me.
My hearts desire was to "do it" right.
Lately, I believe the Lord is teaching me that this parenting thing is not, at all, about me doing right. It truly is not about this philosophy or that. The ideals of another man should never be my basis but rather the truths I see in God's word.
R.C. Sproul Jr. says, " However much God might have gifted any education theorists through the ages, He made none of them inerrant or smarter than Himself.
As in many other areas, in my life, the Lord is teaching me that it is not about me but rather all about Him.
In the same light, it is not all about how my children "turn out".
Do I desire to see my children growing, loving and serving their Lord...absolutely.
But...
He placed these precious children in our care, for His purposes. Plans that I may never understand..
Whether I like the outcome or not is really not the point.
While walking this path of parenting, the Lord is teaching me that my heart's desires must align with His. His plans WILL come to be; I must walk humbly with that truth in my heart.
Digging into God's word, studying the "Sunday school stories" of Joseph and Noah, Zacchaeus and Paul leaves one with no way of denying that man does nothing to change what God is doing. What about Esther and Ruth, did not God have a plan all along that never once was changed by the deeds of a man?
He, in His perfect timing, is helping my finite mind to see a bit of the truth of His sovereignty.
Last night, I listened to a message from Romans 11, where God's word says,
"O the depths of His riches, of the wisdom and the knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out."
Clearly I can not understand! I may never fully understand, but I see, much more clearly now, that His will can not be shaken by my mistakes. How comforting to rest in that.
What a difference it makes in daily life... What calm it brings to this mother's heart. My children were created By Him, For Him and He will always remain in control.
Nothing I do, nothing I say can change this.
So then, where does this leave me? After having walked ten years with the idea that I must somehow mold my children, cause them to desire to love Him, and watch as "MY" parenting is proven right or wrong, I can tell you that I am left with "a peace that passes all understanding".
He is so good! His ways I may never understand. His plans may be different than what I had hoped for. But, I know I can trust Him. He is God. Who am I to think that I can somehow keep what He had planned from happening?
My responsibility, in mothering, is the same as it is in every other area of my life. I must die daily. Before anything is cleaned, picked up, sorted or taught, I must die to what I think is needed. choosing only to honor Him...
seeking to know Him more...
setting my sight "on things above" rather than plans I have here on earth...
praising Him with my lips, my actions, my words, my heart...
Painfully learning... always
resting... yes
understanding.. no
trusting... with HIS doing! By His grace!